Comments on The Shades of Shadows

[Xadrana]

Wow, Domi. That's definitely a different side to the story. The characterizations are great! I hope you're not finished with it yet, but even if so, that twist makes for an intriguing ending. Thanks for sharing it with us.

[Domi]

Thank you Yep, it's finished (appart from a bunch of edits that will need to be made)

 

Other story that I'd recommended if you like stories with a twist, similar in its build-up and unusual conclusion (and better written) is JC's No One. Try it and see if you can get the secret of it before the end

 

http://forums.pocketplane.net/index.php?topic=122.0

[Pekka]

I agree with Xardana.

 

However, shouldn't the name of the god be Amaunator, not Amauntor?

[Bri]

Well, logically, it would be just as possible for Imoen to be driven insane from her time in Spellhold...or, if nothing else, blame the Bhaalspawn for not rescuing her sooner.

 

And there are definite shades to madness, and I can easily see a stricken Imoen tormenting people before going in for the kill.

 

However, your story does make a good point as well...why would someone take Edwin in their party if the other members are predominantly good? ;-) (This isn't anything against your story Domi, for you portrayed very well the consequences of what would happen when someone was killed...and the guy known to be selfish, antagonistic, and oriented to evil (Edwin in this case) would be the first one to be checked).

 

And the ending does bring to mind a thought I had about the nature of the planes...there are infinite planes, so for every one that a Bhaalspawn might succeed, there could be a thousand more where he/she died early...(I assume you did decide to leave it up in the air ).

[Domi]

I misspelled the name the first time, so I checked on Internet, and it gave me both Amauntor and Amaunator.... I'd check later in BG and correct the spelling to what is used in the game

 

Regarding the group composition I tried a few sets with different motivations to kill each-other; Keldorn, Viconia and Solaufein did not make the last cut; Also the 'villain' of the story switched from Jaheira to Imoen, when I figured that I cannot have Imoen in the party before the Spellhold (yes, genius, I know) but thinking on Spellhold, gave me the idea to give the role to Imoen.

 

And finally, yes, he dies, I know it is a bit of a washed out ending - I have watched too much of LoTR lately, where they keep saluting each-other and the gesture grew on me.... I'll see if I can put in a paragraph describing his death after it.

[Volly]

I see your love for paladins is showing again

 

I really enjoyed it D. Any story where Aerie dies, no matter how she comes to pass, is a winner in my book.

[Domi]

Actually paladins fascinate me and I like using them as protagonists because of the writing challenge. I do not like playing with paladins though And thank you for your commentary.

[Volly]

EEK!

 

I must have hit post before I left for dinner

 

Sorry D, I meant do more than wise-crack. I'll say more next time we chat.

[jcompton]

Oh, lookie here.

 

Knowing where the story was going (after you told me it was inspired by No One), when I saw the protagonist named "Norman" I thought it was a play on psycho Norman Bates, and he too would be the one responsible for the party slaughter... but, no, it was Imoen.

 

My one comment here is that I thought most of the characters (at least, the "prime suspects") had their motivations captured pretty well, whereas all we seem to learn about Imoen in the end is that she just went loopy. That's fine, but going loopy could make one want to do lots of things. Why did it make it important that she off everyone she knew?

[Domi]

It was supposed to be an overexaggerated prank on her side showing how her cheerful nature got twisted in Spellhold ("GOTCCHA, Norman!"/ran away laughing" probably not enough of a clue though... )

[jcompton]

I lied, two comments:

 

"Sungem" really threw me for a loop. It took a while before I realized it was "sun gem."

 

Especially the way this line is written...

“Sungem!†Norman commanded. Silence. He turned towards Imoen, as did all the others.

 

I'm thinking, "Oh. 'Sungem' is the word for 'silence' in some language I'm not familiar with. Huh!"

[Domi]

Hey, that's the first and only mineral I got to name in my carrier. I can make Norman cry out "Heliolit" I suppose...

[jcompton]

I'm just saying that I think it really needs to be two words.

[Domi]

Done... just was exposing you to the horrendous 'professional' sense of humour